I remember the times when I would rather piss in my pants than to go to the bathroom because there was a monster awaiting for me there. The time when I could feel that there was something under my bed. The time when I thought there was a monster inside my closet. The time when I'll call my mom because I had a nightmare.
I look back at the times when all I have to think is to watch the Popeye, Tom and Jerry, Flintstones, X-men and Scooby Doo at cartoon network. Scooby Doo was the scariest show on earth for me back then. Thinking of that, I wonder why I like to watch that show even though I knew that I'll have nightmares.
I was such a coward. Not that I hate it but instead, I like that side of me. I was cute and fragile. Innocent to all that there is in the world. I miss eating lollipops and candies (not so nice for a grown to eat those kinds of stuffs). I miss crying for a piece of toy. I was a brat as well. There was indeed a time that I would roll on the floor just so that my parents would buy me ice cream.
And oh, my first crush took place when I was in 2nd grade. Her name was Kate. She liked me as well. My first kiss (cheeks only). So weird that we separated ways when I transferred schools and saw each other in high school (4 years after). Good thing we did not become classmates. It would be troublesome.
Those days were gone. Just a part of my past, the past that could never be rewritten. Now, I'm a full grown up, 21 years old.
But some thing remained, I'm still a coward. I'm afraid not to be able to finish college. I'm afraid to fall inlove. I'm afraid to fully trust anyone. I'm afraid to be left alone. I'm afraid to face the reality that there are things that are just not meant for me.
How sad it is to grow and realize how painful life is. On the other hand, well, at least, I no longer piss in my pants, SWEAR!