Every once in a while, I have to let out some of the negative thoughts I have in mind and that while is now. I really don’t like this type of post since it does not leave a smile or give a laugh to my readers. On the other thought, I guess I’ll just dedicate this post solely to myself but if you must insist, then read on.
Respect. I don’t get much. People around me tell me that “I’m not the type of person that’s ‘respectable.’” Since I joke a lot, I laugh a lot, they say that it is hard for them to respect me. Then, I say, do I need to be serious to be respected?
Younger friends tell me that I am childish; the reason why they don’t respect me. Then, I say, I am child-like but never childish. Am I not worth-respecting because of my appearance and attitude or they are just simply disrespectful? It really pisses me off when they don’t recognize that they are being disrespectful and use “the me” as an excuse.
Insecurities. I get a lot. When I was still ugly—that’s what I thought since my mom always tells me that I am ugly—I was really sad. I was just a nobody and no one would even care if I was around. I was insecure, very insecure.
People do change. When I had gone to college, I have started combing my hair before I’m off, something that I didn’t do when I was still in high school. It all started from there until the moment I am chosen to represent the Mass Comm department in various competitions for the “good-looking only.”
Along with the change I had made to myself is the attraction I get. It was quite a big pressure to look good. People tend to be unforgiving when I don’t look my best. You don’t have the right to have flu or sore eyes.
My worst problem I have for years now, insecure people. People who are threatened by my presence tend to taint my name. Words are always ready to spread out. Then, I say, don’t hate me because I look better than you. Looking bad is bad and looking good is not that good. Confusing?
Talent. I don’t have one. I want to sing, but I’m always out of tune. I want to dance, but I’m slow on getting steps. I don’t know how to play any instrument. Please, don’t even think of telling me that I’m good in writing, that’s a different story. It does not make girls shout at the top of their lungs or boys to become envy of your moves. But I’m not really troubled with this. It’s more of a WANT than a need.
Stress. I receive a handful. It has been almost two months since I started training as a copy editor. I never have imagined that it would be this hard. It’s like inside a pressure cooker! Being a copy editor means that you should be perfect. Perfection is hard to achieve. Though I was an editor-in-chief, TWO MONTHS is not enough!
As of now, these are the things that I want to let out. I feel relieved. But I know I still have to deal with them. Good luck to you Key!
|I look so stressed!|