Every once in a while, I have to
let out some of the negative thoughts I have in mind and that while is now. I
really don’t like this type of post since it does not leave a smile or give a
laugh to my readers. On the other thought, I guess I’ll just dedicate this post
solely to myself but if you must insist, then read on.
Respect. I don’t get much. People around me tell me that “I’m not
the type of person that’s ‘respectable.’” Since I joke a lot, I laugh a lot,
they say that it is hard for them to respect me. Then, I say, do I need to be
serious to be respected?
Younger friends tell me that I am
childish; the reason why they don’t respect me. Then, I say, I am child-like
but never childish. Am I not worth-respecting because of my appearance and
attitude or they are just simply disrespectful? It really pisses me off when
they don’t recognize that they are being disrespectful and use “the me” as an
excuse.
Insecurities. I get a lot. When I was still ugly—that’s what I
thought since my mom always tells me that I am ugly—I was really sad. I was
just a nobody and no one would even care if I was around. I was insecure, very
insecure.
People do change. When I had gone
to college, I have started combing my hair before I’m off, something that I
didn’t do when I was still in high school. It all started from there until the
moment I am chosen to represent the Mass Comm department in various competitions
for the “good-looking only.”
Along with the change I had made
to myself is the attraction I get. It was quite a big pressure to look good.
People tend to be unforgiving when I don’t look my best. You don’t have the
right to have flu or sore eyes.
My worst problem I have for years
now, insecure people. People who are threatened by my presence tend to taint my
name. Words are always ready to spread out. Then, I say, don’t hate me because
I look better than you. Looking bad is bad and looking good is not that good.
Confusing?
Talent. I don’t have one. I want to sing, but I’m always out of
tune. I want to dance, but I’m slow on getting steps. I don’t know how to play
any instrument. Please, don’t even think of telling me that I’m good in
writing, that’s a different story. It does not make girls shout at the top of their
lungs or boys to become envy of your moves. But I’m not really troubled with
this. It’s more of a WANT than a need. 
Stress. I receive a handful. It has been almost two months since I
started training as a copy editor. I never have imagined that it would be this
hard. It’s like inside a pressure cooker! Being a copy editor means that you
should be perfect. Perfection is hard to achieve. Though I was an
editor-in-chief, TWO MONTHS is not enough!
*****
As of now, these are the things
that I want to let out. I feel relieved. But I know I still have to deal with
them. Good luck to you Key!
 |
| I look so stressed! |
CheerUp buddy!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your heart out, Key. It is perfectly okay to feel such things. We are only human. I am so sorry to hear that you are undergoing too much stress lately. The only assurance I can give you is that "It will pass."
ReplyDeleteRegarding respect, I think it is every human's right to be respected, regardless of how they look or how they act. Those who don't know how to respect others don't respect their own selves. You need to have self-respect first before you can give respect to other people. You can't give someone something you don't have. So screw those people who think you are not worthy of respect. ;-)
Talent... I believe God gave all of us a unique ability that other people are not able to do. You probably haven't discovered that one yet. And the insecurities -- I, too, have them. I would always feel that I am not good enough or that I'm not as good as others. But real life is not really much about how good you are at something. Perseverance, dedication, sincerity, the willingness to learn and improve ourselves -- those are more important. And there is no easy work. That's why it's called work. Look back to why you are there in the first place. The mistakes, the stress -- they are all part of the journey and the learning process. And you wouldn't be there if they think you're not qualified. :-)
I do hope my looong comment helps to make you feel a little better, Key. God bless :-)
Don't live by other people's expectation. You are who you are and nobody can define that for you except you.
ReplyDeleteThey may say not so nice words to you but you know what part of them is you too. Remember, we are mirroring each other kaya kung ano yong kina-aasaran or kina-iinisan nila sa yo ay meron din silang ganung ugali.
Just be who you are as long as you're not going beyond the border of being rude or disrespectful. And yes, child-like character is way too different from being childish.
Focus to the people who believe in you and thanks those who defile you for they are making you stronger. Sabi nga "Whatever can't kill you will only make you stronger."
Focus on the happy side of life and if occassionally waves of criticism crashes you treat it as reminder to be a better person.
I like reading your supposed 'dark posts' because that's what shows more of Noblesse key.
ReplyDeleteThe world sees us as a performer, the one in front of the camera. They don't care to notice what lies underneath, the hardwork, the thoughts behind our actions. For them it's 'you get what you see'.
What you described here is what I call the 'image trap'. Two best things you can do is- learn to make use of that public image of yours OR try your hardest to break free of it.
As you think more, you'll grow upon yourself learning to accept your true form. Don't worry, you'll get to a better stage in life. It's just a matter of time.
Wishing you well Mr. Key! :)
maulaw pud ko aneng mga bloggers nga gisundan. TAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas kaayo ug comment. hahaha..
ReplyDeleteI really thought this post pertains to that man whom I mentioned who laughed at your notbuk. ;-) Ok, so this is not for him . GOOD!
I know, u ain't that religious type of guy but try to PRAY lang gud for additional guidance. (oh yeah! Diyosnon ko ha!) ;-)
netbuk d.i! hahaha
Deletechher up.. :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the life you have ... be happy and cheer up :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Key :) I was reading your post this morning.
ReplyDeleteWe all have our own unique talents Key. We need not compare ourselves with other people. Perhaps, it's yet to be discovered :)
On respect, well, we need to have it in ourselves. It's something that we acquire by learning.The next time perhaps, you should set boundaries to your friends so they'll not take you for granted. Respect is also earned ;)
On stress. You said it right. Among the editors I met aside from the Chief, it's the Copyeditor who holds the second place to stress ~ from grammar to punctuation ~ everything right before printing... As a young copyeditor, take the positive side :) You will grow from all the experiences you are having right now.
Ok, last, the secret is now that you've let it all out, we've come to know you better. I'd often come here for laughs before I sleep to relieve me of stress... You are actually deep because you are capable of self reflection.
Smile :)
yah, people change...just enjoy..
ReplyDelete